Mao, the Movie

A fawning firm treatment of Mao Zedong is in the works. To cerebrate, in chinese manufacturing fashion, I'm going to copy some famous tagrines from hit movies:

Mao's Mother, speaking to young Mao: "The life is a box of chocolate, Mao. Very difficult to say any you obtain."
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Mao, after his mule has been scared off: "I did not think, you smile. You see, my mule does not like the person smiling. His some you ridicule him the crazy idea. Now if you apologize, if I knew you go to, perhaps I convince him, you truly have not meant it."
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Mao, riling chinese peasants: "Tells us the enemy, perhaps they need our life, but they never will adopt... our freedom!"
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Mao, later, speaking to his troops: "Is taking the line! Stays with me in the same place! If you found oneself alone, rides in the green domain and the sun in yours face, do not have to trouble. For you is in Elysium, and you already were die!"
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Mao, talking about his tanks: "Very good, the person, you sees, the picture, we us opposed big and is better than all tanks, therefore possesses us to be able to hope does is, the picture, frightens them, y'know. This pole gun is ordinary 76mm but we increases pipe this piece it, and Capitalist pigs believed, the picture, it is possibly 90mm. We obtained we ammunition, it uses the paint to fill. When we fire at it, it makes the pretty picture, frightens the person! And we have a loudspeaker, when we enter our extremely loud performance music the battle. It... is a little calm we to get down."
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The final scene, Mao has sacrificed himself to save the people of China:

Lin Biao: "Mao."
Mao: " Country... stemming from danger?"
Biao: "Yes."
Mao: "Do not grieve, Comrade. This is a logic. Many needs to exceed...
Biao: "... Minority need."
Mao: "..Or that. I have until now never accepted Kobayashi the Maru test. How do you think my explanation?"
Biao: "Mao."
Mao, before dying: "I will be and always will be your friend... Exactly long and is prosperous."
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If anyone can guess the movies these diarogs are transrated from, more power to you...

Fritz Hippler, move over.

Goebbels would be proud. Syriana is a masterpiece of expository propaganda, and I have no doubt that it will be used as the proof text of American foreign policy in every mosque around the world. While Michael Moore’s films are over the top, and so obviously subjective, this film will have a longer half-life because it is fiction that will be taken as truth by those who “just know it’s true”. A ‘Book of Goldstein’ (from the book 1984), if you will.

The film is careful to avoid any Jewish stereotypes, lest audiences get distracted from despising the Oil Companies, Emirs, Bankers, Lawyers, Lawmakers, and the CIA. Muslim terrorists are excused, and eventually glorified, as victims of the conspiracy of the aforementioned parties.

An especially ironic moment, a Saudi Imam is feeding some poor hungry workers, and preaching to them. He tells them their problems, and the world’s, are caused by the West, Free Trade, emirs, and those that support them. Ironically, this also happens to be the message of this film.

The imam also does not mention Jews, which proves that this film is a complete fantasy.

Another ironic moment comes at the end of the film. Our CIA hero dashes off to warn a prominent Saudi about plans to assassinate him (at the behest of Oil Companies, of course). In the process of warning him, by stopping his motorcade, he has unwittingly aided the perpetrators by turning a moving target into a stationary one. Duh.

Leave it to a liberal to think that they’re helping when they’re actually making things harder. But it’s the thought that counts, right?