This silliness was inspired by some seriousness over at 'Crossed the Tiber.' My apologies to both Tiber Jumper and Jeff Foxworthy...
If you think John Shelby Spong is a wise theologian, you might be an apostate.
If you consider one of the Seven Deadly Sins to be wearing white shoes after Labor Day, you might be an apostate.
If Easter afternoon finds you still in your jammies, eating jelly beans and peeps, you just might be an apostate.
You might be an apostate if you welcome homosexuality as "the Spirit doing something new in the Church."
You might be an apostate if you think that venereal disease and pregnancies are best prevented with condoms, preferably distributed in grade schools.
If you can sit through an entire televised football game, but usually leave Mass right after Communion, you just might be an apostate.
* New* If you complain about how the Church opresses women, but never bother praying the Rosary, you might be an apostate.
Any others, from the few who bother to haunt this place?
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6 comments:
Hey St. Jimbob! Happy to inspire.
The kernel was a compliment. You have a way of seeing through the fluff and getting to the meat of the discussion. God bless
If Easter afternoon finds you still in your jammies, eating jelly beans and peeps, you just might be an apostate.
Even after attending the Vigil Mass? (And not because you "get done early," but because it's the VERY BEST MASS OF THE YEAR!!)
--If you rudely push past the folk waiting in line to drink Christ's blood (because you can't wait around...) you just might be an apostate.
--If you call the monstrance "that clock thing" you might be an apostate.
--If your bosom hangs out of your dress at Mass you might be an apostate.
--If you are a woman and you imitate the Priest at Mass by pretending to hold the host aloft, you might be an apostate.
--If your idea of Mass is a good gossip session, you might be an apostate.
--If you try and force the person next to you to hold your hand during the Our Father you may not be an apostate - but you sure are annoying!!
If you know the words to all 673 stanzas of Kumbayah you might be an apostate.
If you think the bible gave us the Church you might be an apostate.
If you think Pat Robertson is a saint, you might be an apostate.
If you think George W. Bush can think for himself, you might be an apostate.
If you think Mohandas K. Ghandi is a saint, you might be an apostate. (I heard a homily that held him up as an example on the Feast of All Saints once.)
If you think non-Arab-speakers should call God "Allah", but not, "Dominus Deus", you might be an apostate.
If you think that the extraordinary form of the Roman rite is divisive, exclusive, and not to be tolerated, you might be an apostate.
Hoo hoo! This is good!!
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